Sadly your sense of humor is one of the first things that you lose on a diet. Let's try to remedy that. Enjoy some humorous thoughts and do a little laughercising.
My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it.
The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney~
I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me! ~Author Unknown~
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author Unknown~
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Inside me there is a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes
Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
Drinking three glasses of water before every meal will help you lose weight, because you will burn a lot of calories running to the bathroom.
Today's weight loss tip: Use Superglue as lip-gloss
Want to lose weight? Eat only Moon Pies, they have less gravity than earthier foods like fruits and veggies.
I think I'll hire a Chippendale to chase me around with a licorice whip, I'd be thin by Christmas....
“Remember, you are not a heavy person trying to slim down. You are a trim, healthy person learning how to re-emerge.”
To lose weight, drink lots of water, you'll burn more calories running to the loo every few minutes.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Author Unknown~
I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?
If your snack gets stuck in the vending machine, be thankful. You will burn a few calories shaking the machine. And if the machine falls on you, you will probably be thinner.
Limit your intake of dates and nuts, as well as your desire to date nuts.
You cannot eat just one piece of chocolate, unless it is the last piece in the country.
I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.
I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is
I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962
Self delusion is pulling in your stomach when you step on the scales
I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat.
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies
The leading cause of death among skinny fashion models is falling through street grates
I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets
A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit
Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate
Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps.
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips
What you eat in private will show up in public
If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out
I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet
I’m on a 90-day wonder diet. Thus far, I’ve lost 45 days
Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!
Eat your food while staring into a mirror.... totally naked!
When eating donuts - only eat the center part.
Weigh yourself with only one foot on the scale.
Use Parental Block for the Food Network on your TV - Eat PIN Number/Password.
Eat your food with one chopstick
LMAO is a great way to reduce weight in the hindquarters.
Don't eat your evening meal before breakfast
Ladies - Drop 5 lbs. Instantly! Let go of your purse.
Attach Full-Length Mirror to your Refrigerator Door.
Hang your bikini on the refrigerator.... definitely don't do that if you are a guy.