Financial problems and mental health

 

 

The stress and worry associated with trying to maintain control over your finances and keep your household running can result in a range of mental health issues. Some of these include feelings of inadequacy, despair, and pessimism about the future. If ignored, this can in turn lead to depression and affect your mental health.

Getting depressed over an increased debt load is normal and is something most of us will experience at some point in our lives. Typically, the situation is temporary and as the debt lessens, so too does the depression. There are those, however, who don’t see a way out of their financial struggles and become very despondent.

Financial stress can negatively impact things outside of the wallet: your health, your job and your relationships, and too often, people feel financial stress because they feel a lack of financial control.

The most important first step to take if you are feeling financial stress is to acknowledge that you have a problem. This is a tough thing for most of us to do but immediately you will feel better, knowing that you have started to take active steps to resolve your financial issues.

The next step is to get advice from someone who can to help you come to terms with your spending patterns and future financial goals. By writing down all of your monthly expenses (including debt and payments) you have the opportunity to take a cold, hard look at where your money is going each month and where you can save money.

If you are feeling hopeless, remember that it is possible for things to get better.  Don’t wait until you hit rock bottom to begin seeking resources. If you are overwhelmed by financial issues, it is crucial to get help.

How to Ask Your Friend to Pay Back the Money They Owe You

Sometimes, a friend may come along who isn't so hesitant about taking money, but hesitant when it comes to giving it back. All it takes is a firm reminder and a little patience!

Steps:

Tell your friend that you will not lend anymore money until they pay the previous amount back. This is an effective way of getting it paid off, but they will just turn around and borrow money again, so it's half-and-half.

Remind them every 2-3 days for about a week. If they still haven't paid it back, move on to the next step.

Pull them off to the side and make sure neither one of you are distracted. Say something such as, "It's fine that you borrowed money from me, but I'm getting very impatient. I need that money and I'd like you to give it to me by (deadline)."

Be polite. You can be firm without being aggressive. Never, ever make intimidating threats such as "if you don't give me my money back, I'm gonna make you'".

Talk to them again after about a month, but this time, you must be a lot more firm! Raise your voice at them and tell them if they don't pay you back soon, you will quit giving them money. However, if your friend owes you large sums of money, wait to do this after about two months.

If over 3 months pass and your friend still does not pay you then let them know that you do not want to see them again until they pay you. However, don't think that the friendship is about money. Did you just give money to your friend just so they could pay you?

If you are still unsuccessful, accept the fact that you have lost your money for good and you have learned a valuable lesson. If it was a very large sum of money your last resort should be legal action.

If you are willing to use legal action be sure to have evidence that this is a trespass to title meaning that you gave your friend temporary title of the money instead of possession. Whoever has the greater right to title or possession will win. You will also have the burden of proof so be prepared. If you have any evidence at all that he knows he has the money and he will pay you back then that is your strongest piece of evidence.

Tips:

If possible, don't lend anyone money.

If you have to remind your friend to pay you back, then there is a good chance they are counting on you forgetting. If your friend seems as if he is purposely trying to get you to forget then let him know right away that it seems as if he is trying to "steal" your money. If he argues how it is not stealing then he is most likely never going to pay you. If he says he is sorry and he will pay you later, he is probably sincere about his feelings.

Assess your friends before giving them money. At what amount can you really trust them with? How sure are you that you can get it back?

Only lend your friends what you feel comfortable with losing because you can never be sure you can get it back.

Ask them to sign a I.O.U. with a deadline and politely remind them when that day comes closer and closer.

Warnings:

If your friend is spending large amounts of your money on alcohol/drugs, get help. Your friend may have an addiction.

Don't ask about it every day, as this can be very irritating!

http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-Your-Friend-to-Pay-Back-the-Money-They-Owe-You

When Friends and Family Ask for Money

Your brother needs to borrow money to pay the mortgage on a house he could have never afforded in the first place. Your parents’ 401k has been decimated, and they need a little help. Your sister is drowning in credit card debt, and it is up to you to throw her a lifeline.

Commercial lenders are making it harder to borrow money; the job market is shrinking, and nest eggs and emergency funds have been sapped by sinking stock prices. So naturally, people are turning to family and friends to help them through the troubled economy.

Family lending is typically done out of a sense of duty or obligation. These transactions are as much emotional as they are financial, and they rarely end well. We have all been conditioned to “take care of our own,” but here are five things to consider before you open your wallet or your checkbook for a loved one.

1.) Look at your financial situation. If you’re struggling to make ends meet and don’t have at least a six-month emergency fund of your own, you can’t even afford to think about lending anybody money. You should also never tap into money earmarked for retirement and education savings. If your friend or relative does not understand this…

2.) Don’t be an enabler. If the person asking you for money is unwilling to talk about living beyond their means and does not seem genuinely interested in creating a spending plan, don’t lend them money. If you do, you’re being an enabler, not a friend. If they are not overhauling their financial habits, your money will only land them in more financial trouble down the road.

3.) Know yourself. Many financial planners tell their clients to “Just say no,” but you have to decide how well you will be able to live with your decision. How would you really feel if you didn’t help your parents when they needed it? Are there things you can do besides giving them money, like helping them find a financial planner and create a budget, etc.? What can you really live with?

4.) Be realistic. If you decide to give your relatives money, realize that you are unlikely to get it back. Think of it as a gift and talk to your accountant about the IRS codes for gift giving.

5.) Remember it’s not just your decision because it’s not just your money. Loaning money that you may not get back affects your spouse and children, too. Make sure that you discuss this with them before you make any decisions. Discuss the impact on your family budget, the impact on the situation and how the loan will make everyone feel about the family member or friend who is asking. Tensions often fester, so it is imperative to really find out how everybody feels. Decide together. In the end, you will be glad you are not solely responsible for the outcome.

Once you’ve made your decision, be honest with the person who asked for the loan. Tell them how it relates to your financial situation and how you had to take your own family into consideration. If the answer is no, and they truly don’t understand, you have, without question, made the right decision.

Honesty and respect are essential if your relationships—and your checkbooks—are to remain balanced.

Breaking The Cycle Of Borrowing Money And Paying Interest

Found this interesting article and wanted to share it as it is something a lot of people struggle with (including myself).

http://www.ncnblog.com/2008/02/28/breaking-the-cycle-of-borrowing-money-and-paying-interest/

For the first fifteen years of my adult life, I borrowed money for every major purchase. Three years ago, I decided to stop borrowing money and get out of debt. As you can imagine, going from a ‘borrower’ to a ‘non-borrower’ (Is that a word?) can be a difficult process.

Here’s how I did it -

1. I created two lists. List A was a list of my monthly expenses – by priority. List B was a list of monthly income. I realized, after making the lists, that I could live without using a credit card or borrowing money, but only if I reduced the number of items in list A.

2. After establishing the fact that I COULD live without borrowing money, I then created a plan to insure that I WOULD live without borrowing money. So, I took the numbers from List A and List B and created a monthly budget.

3. Once the budget had been created, I began to look for additional ways to reduce debt and increase savings. I quickly established an emergency fund of $1000. Throughout the ensuing debt reduction process, I always maintained an emergency fund balance between $800 and $2000. The emergency fund served as my new ‘credit card’. When an unexpected expense reared its ugly head – I would dip into my emergency fund, deal with the expense, and move forward.

4. After creating the budget and establishing the emergency fund, I began to attack my debts. I used the debt snowball and in less than 10 months, I was debt free.

Now, if you’ve made it this far, you’ll note that these four steps cover the ‘financial side’ of the process. But, what about the ‘personal side’? What changes took place, internally? How did a compulsive borrower become a competent saver?

1. I began to consider the longterm ramifications of my spending/borrowing habits. I found a few online calculators and calculated how much money I was paying in interest – and how much money I was ‘losing’ by not contributing to my retirement accounts. Seeing these calculations had a profound effect – emotionally and psychologically.

2. After realizing that ‘something’ had to be done – I sat down with my wife and we talked about what we wanted out of life. We both realized that we had ‘everything’ we wanted – except for financial security. We dedicated ourselves to a life of saving and frugality.

3. I did not cut-up my credit cards or freeze them in the freezer or hide them in a sock drawer. I simply left them in my wallet – and refused to use them. I made up my mind that I would be different. Instead of ‘removing’ the temptation, I faced it head-on. Also, I made a promise to myself (and my readers) that I would do my level best to live without borrowing money. Making this promise ‘changed’ me.

4. Instead of hiding my struggles, I began to seek the advice and council of money-smart folks. I asked questions and I listened to answers. Admitting my failures allowed me the freedom to accept constructive criticism. By the way – Most successful people are happy to share their methods, opinions, and time. All I really had to do was ask.

Getting out of debt feels great. Living debt free feels even better. But, the entire process started when I made some ‘financial’ AND ‘personal’ changes. Instead of continuing the same behaviors – and foolishly anticipating different results – I radically changed my lifestyle – and enthusiastically anticipated progress.

Beware of Credit Card Fraud

UNBELIEVABLE WHAT PEOPLE DO – THIS IS A MUST READ

New way of  STEALING...These examples are all actual !!!!!!!!

ESPECIALLY  LOOK AT SCENE THREE...

Be sure to  read Scene 3. Quite interesting. This is a new  one.

People sure stay busy  trying to  cheat us don't they?

SCENE 1.

A friend went  to the local gym and placed his belongings in  the locker.

After the workout and a shower,

He  came out, saw the locker open, and thought to  himself, 'Funny, I thought I locked the  locker...

Hmm, 'He  dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure  all was in order.

Everything  looked okay - all cards were in place...

A few weeks  later his credit card bill came - a whooping  bill of R14,000!

He called the  credit card company and started yelling at them,  saying that he did not make the transactions.

Customer care  personnel verified that there was no mistake in  the system and asked if  his card had been stolen...

'No,'  he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled  out the credit card, and yep - you guessed it - A switch had been made.

An expired  similar credit card from the same bank was in  the wallet.

The thief broke into his  locker at the gym and switched cards.

Verdict: The credit card issuer  said since he did not report the card missing  earlier, he would have to pay  the amount owed to  them.

How much did he have to pay  for items he did not buy? R9,000! Why were there  no calls made to v Erify the amount swiped? Small  amounts rarely trigger a 'warning bell' with some credit card companies.

It just so happens  that all the small amounts added up to big one!

============================

SCENE  2.

A man at a local restaurant  paid for his meal with his credit card.

The bill for the meal came, he  signed it and the waitress folded the receipt  and passed the credit card along.

Usually, he would just take it  and place it in his wallet or pocket. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the  card and, lo and behold, it was the expired card  of another person.

He called  the waitress and she looked perplexed.

She  took it back, apologized, and hurried back to  the counter under the watchful eye of the man.

All the waitress did while  walking to the counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter  cashier, and the  counter cashier immediately  looked down and took out the real card.

No exchange  of words --- nothing! She took it and came back  to the man with an apology..

Verdict:  Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are  yours.

Check the name on the card  every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a  short period of time.

Many  people just take back the credit card without  even looking at it, 'assuming' that it has to be  theirs.

FOR YOUR OWN SAKE,  DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD  EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A  TRANSACTION!

==========================

SCENE 3:

This one took me by  surprise. I would never thought to check on this

Yesterday I went into a pizza  restaurant to pick up an order that I had called  in.

I paid by using my Visa Check  Card which, of course, is linked directly to my  checking Account.

The young man  behind the counter took my card, swiped it, then  laid it on the counter as he waited for the  approval, which is pretty standard procedure.

While he waited, he picked up his  cell phone and started dialing I noticed the  phone because it is the same model I have, but  nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Then I heard  a click that sounded like my phone sounds when I take a picture.

He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he was still pressing buttons.

Meanwhile,  I'm thinking: I wonder what he is taking a  picture of, oblivious to what was really going  on.

It then dawned on me: the only thing there was my credit  card, so now I'm paying  close attention to what he is doing. He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open.

About  five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells  you that the picture has been saved.

Now I'm standing there struggling  with the fact that this boy just took a picture of my credit card.

Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of phone, I probably would never have known what happened.

Needless  to say, I immediately cancelled that card as I  was walking out of the pizza parlor

All I am  saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all  times.

Whenever you  are using your credit card take caution and  don't be careless.

Notice who is  standing near you and what they are doing when  you use your card.

Be aware of  phones, because many have a camera phone these  days.

FORWARD THIS  TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN  THINK OF. LET'S GET THE WORD OUT! JUST BE AWARE

Never let  your card out of your sight.....check and check  again!

High Aces or Jokers

We all take a gamble in many different ways on an almost daily basis.

Whether it is when we use the milk that has only ‘just’ expired or when we  push our luck with others, gambling with our longevity…

Lots of people go every week and buy Lotto tickets with the hopes that this week will be the big one even though the odds are that they are more likely to be struck by lightning (possibly twice) than actually winning.

These are all semi harmless forms of gambling that are generally not too damaging for the person involved and can be said creates excitement which in moderation can be good for a persons psyche.
But there is the Ugly side to Gambling that have people forsaking everything (even selling their homes) just for that adrenaline rush that the possibility of winning BIG can give them. Whether they are up or down, it doesnt matter. It is merely the act of taking a chance with big possibilities that does it for them.

• But what do you do if you know someone who goes almost every second day to the local casino?
• What do you do when you see how they have stopped their usual daily routine in return for a nocturnal casino dwelling one?
• What do you do when you learn that this person spends in excess of R5 000.00 per month on gambling?
• What do you do when you see someone sell all their worldly possessions to support this habit?
• What do you do when you are probably the only person around that sees this happening?
• What do you do when they mask their addiction under the guise of ‘working’ and ‘financial trouble’?
• What do you do with information of such a travesty but unable to tell anyone else because the truth is too ugly, and no one wants to believe the truth?

The reality is that there is nothing that can be done. You have to wait for them to hit rock bottom first. You have to wait for them to come to you and ask for help. Because any help given or offered before will be seen as interfering and create further hostility of which there is currently far too much.

Myths & Facts about Gambling Addiction and Problem Gambling

MYTH: You have to gamble every day to be a problem gambler.
FACT: A problem gambler may gamble frequently or infrequently. Gambling is a problem if it causes problems.

MYTH: Problem gambling is not really a problem if the gambler can afford it.
FACT: Problems caused by excessive gambling are not just financial. Too much time spent on gambling can lead to relationship breakdown and loss of important friendships.

MYTH: Partners of problem gamblers often drive problem gamblers to gamble.
FACT: Problem gamblers often rationalize their behavior. Blaming others is one way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, including what is needed to overcome the problem.

MYTH: If a problem gambler builds up a debt, you should help them take care of it.
FACT: Quick fix solutions may appear to be the right thing to do. However, bailing the gambler out of debt may actually make matters worse by enabling gambling problems to continue.
 

In the meantime my heart breaks for you. I wish you weren’t such an opinionated hostile creature. We would try working through this with you. But alas, you are a grown-up man and you need to live with the choices you make. Right or wrong.

When the time is right. We will be here for you, you only need to ask.

P.S. If you know someone that needs help or need advice regarding gambling give these guys a call.
 
National Gambling Board : 0800 006 008