Cat Lover or Not, this is Hysterical !!!
We've all had trouble
with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my
excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth
was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head
injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I
reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my
head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife,
Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going
and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged
nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the
button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it
wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our
new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging
between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I
reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable,
she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily
movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight"
syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight"
option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the
air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on
the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there,
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all
snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to
suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to
the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my
head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your
If they only knew!